Stop me before I hurt myself

I'm at it again.

I've made several mental commitments to myself for May, plus some very public ones (like the Carnival!), and now I'm overwhelmed just thinking about what the next month holds.

They're all good goals. They're all important - stuff around finishing projects, making money, delivering value, meeting commitments.

But it's too much. There is no way I can do it all to my usual standard and still have time for hubby and fun things.

I'm learning that this is one of my symptoms, one of the ways I sabotage myself. After all, if I have too much on my plate, of course I didn't get that done. I couldn't finish that over there because I had this new great idea over here that I needed to start.

So I'm trying to stop myself right now and back up a little. Pick the three most important projects for the month, the ones that will get me closer to my goals and just focus on getting those done to the best of my ability given the time I have. That's fair, right? I'd rather have just three things done and done well than to end May with 20 more half finished or abandoned projects.

Which means ... something has to give. I have to drop some balls in order to keep the right ones up in the air. Sorry in advance if you're one of those balls.

Introducing the Carnival of Squid!!

Announcing my latest Squidoo project - the Carnival of Squid!!

This started as my project for Seth in the SAMBA program, but I've gone a bit overboard with it now. As usual. Wouldn't be a Susan project if I didn't. Everything's explained over on the blog, which link to the first two lenses for the Carnival. If you're a lensmaster, you need to head on over to see if there's a topic you have a lens to submit for or one that tickles your fancy enough to make a new lens.

The whole idea behind this project is to give current lensmasters with great lenses props for those and provide interesting ideas for creating new lenses. Let me know what you think!! (And feel free to let others know to check it out, please.)

Blind people on twitter?

I’m beginning to think there are a lot of blind people* on twitter.

How else to explain the backgrounds that run horizontally behind the tweets where they can’t be seen? How else to explain – no lie – the guy with the white text on a white background? How else to explain the tiling images that I think were dachshunds based on the legs and butts occasionally visible down the sides of the page?

They obviously can't see what's on the screen.

Do people not actually look at their pages after they edit them? Or do they think it looks right? Or do they just have no sense of … well, anything?

I’m blaming MySpace. Bad design run amuck is creeping into other parts of the internet now. Open your eyes!!! Design is such a crucial part of communication. What are you telling me when your background image isn’t visible or I can’t read the tweets? I’m assuming it’s that you’re an idiot or sloppy or don’t care.

Right?

(*This post is not meant in anyway to be disparaging of people with disabilities. Really, people!! However, I might be comparing bad twitter users to chimps.)

Playing it safe is actually riskier

OK, so I was talking about making the “scarier” choice yesterday – the idea of actually becoming an entrepreneur.

And yes that’s scary. There’s no security, no benefits, no salary. There might be employees depending on me. There could be a lot of money at stake. There is the risk of looking stupid.

And yet, being an employee could actually be the riskier choice.

How? There’s no security in taking a job. There’s the risk of getting a bad boss or working for a bad company. Or worse, working for a great boss at a bad company and having your boss leave after a year. (Happened at my last two jobs, leaving me with no defenses and utterly miserable.) There’s the risk of falling back into old patterns.

I never found true happiness in being an employee. And I know that’s in large part due to never finding the right situation. But considering the odds of that … .

So please understand that when I say I might be ready to jump off this cliff (how many metaphors can I use!), I’m saying that I understand that jumping can actually be safer (and more fun!) than standing at the top forever.

Happy birthday, Plaid!!

My boy. He would have been 11 today. We had to let him go a couple of weeks ago. Lymphoma. He looks good in this picture though (outside of being annoyed about looking into the sun). I took it to go in a frame my mom bought to put all the grandkids' pictures in a couple of years ago. The boys wore blue that year. :-) I miss him, although it's hard to think that he's gone still since I'm not home right now. It's going to be tough to go back in July. He was the bestest dog ever.

Closing in on decision time

We’re halfway through Seth’s program. Yikes!! Where does the time fly?

Which means I’m at a bit of a crossroads. The pressure is on a bit.

Do I go back to being an employee (albeit a better, hopefully more confident and skilled one) or do I take a plunge on an idea and become an entrepreneur?

I’ve definitely ruled out being a freelancer – which by Seth’s definition means that I only make money when I’m the one doing the work. I want to make money in my sleep (on vacation, talking to my mom, etc.), not be dependent on my personal efforts.

So that leaves me with employee vs. entrepreneur. Employee means I have a boss, work for someone else. Entrepreneur means I’ve started a business that makes money whether I’m there or not.

I’ve been battling back and forth with this one. Employee just seems like such a cop-out, like I’ve resigned myself to something that I wanted to change. And yet, employee might be exactly what I am at heart. I talked about this a little before, but now I’m down to the heart of it.

One thing that’s kept me from taking the entrepreneur route in the past was two-fold: fear of failure (duh!!) and dreams bigger than my head could handle. Pretty much the second fed the first. When you have elephant sized dreams, it gets overwhelming trying to realize them.

I have a dream now, a vision that I’m actually excited about. It’s only been three months, but I feel already a different sense. For once, I have a handle on what it takes to eat the elephant, to take this gargantuan idea and break it down into something that makes it real.

And for once, I think I might be ready to do it, to take make the scarier choice. Wow.

Eating an elephant

I’m working on a plan for world domination right now. Someday, you will all work for me. (Muwhaha!!)

But I have discovered over the years that while I have great ability to visualize where something can go, what it can be, that same visualization serves to undermine the whole project.

I can see the vast empire. What I have a hard time seeing is the very first step towards getting there. The sheer size of the undertaking overwhelms me and I am crushed by the desire to get there already.

My friend reminded me yesterday to remember to eat the elephant. As we all know from the story, the only way to do that is one bite at a time.

So here’s to figuring out which end to start on and keeping my eyes on the next bite without forgetting there’s an entire elephant to eat.